The Unphotographer. A Short Play

Simon stands on the quayside. He is taking lots of pictures of some mud. He’s waving his camera about.  He looks normal.
Woman: (Carrying camera.  Confused) Excuse me. What exactly are you photographing?
Simon: I’m photographing that patch of mud.
Woman: (looks at the mud) You’re photographing mud?
Simon: Yes
Woman: Okay. Um, why are you waving your camera about like that? Won’t your pictures come out blurry?
Simon: Yes. I want blurry pictures of  mud.
Woman (deepening confusion): Oh!
Simon: I suppose that seems a bit strange. But I am quite normal and not mad.
Woman: No no, it all seems normal. (Thinks: It isn’t normal. This man is mad. I’m going to leave now)
Simon: Do you want my web address? It won’t look like blurry mud when I’ve finished. You’ll see. I promise you I am not mad. I’ve had an exhibition.
Woman: Um maybe not. Bye
Simon: Bye then.




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  1. Julia Fuchs December 12, 2014 at 7:28 am #

    Ha-ha, I know what it’s like, I know those quizzical looks from other people when I do ICM. In German we don’t even have a technical term for ‘intentional camera movement’; my Dad calls it ‘Schwimmtechnik’ – ‘swimming technique’ – because of the images’ watery look, and I like this in a way. A cold swim for sure – it takes some bravery, but it may be very rewarding. 😉

  2. Jeztastic December 13, 2014 at 3:52 pm #

    Ah, excellent. The ultimate meld of your blogging and photography skills.

  3. Dave Mason December 27, 2014 at 10:59 am #

    Many of us have been there.
    Simon you website looks fantastic

  4. Isabel July 3, 2015 at 11:52 am #

    Wonderful narrative…I love it when other people and photographers look at me like I am an alien when I take photos of what seems to them complete rubbish, while crawling around on the ground or moving my camera in circles and waves 🙂
    Love you photos!


    • Simon July 7, 2015 at 11:03 pm #

      Thank you Isabel!

  5. Steph April 2, 2017 at 3:56 pm #

    You are Zooey Deschanel in Yes Man and I claim my five pounds

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